Max goes to Florida for spring break

Michigan bunnies are pretty hardy but like anyone, our car-driving, house-living Max was tolerating winter just long enough to get through it. He looked forward to frolics in the park and sneaking the occasional "borrowed" carrot from a nearby garden. So when a recent demoralizing snow hit, Max packed his sack and headed to Florida. But not until he had toured homes in Michigan and Illinois, to say a cheery greeting. Then, it was off. On the way to the beach, he visited family in Panama City Beach and Naples.

The intent at the seashore was to have a little rest and relaxation. Some peace and quiet in the sun. An early Easter treat to himself. He made a cozy spot in the sand and watched the sun sparkle on the dancing water. The serene scene soon sent Max into slumber.

"Hey, what's this, Adam?" said a gruff voice. "Yeaahhh, it looks like a rabbit. A dead rabbit. What a weird place for one. You thought you were gettin' shells, man, and you've got yourself a rabbit trophy" said Adam smugly. "Goyle, go get me a bucket and a shovel," Adam ordered.

The sudden flurry of activity stirred Max from his nap. He looked up in surprise to see the calloused hands of a teenage boy bearing down on him. Springing up in defense, he chewed out the boy, who was even more surprised to see a live, talking rabbit. "You've ruined my nap! Haven't you seen a bunnyman take a little r&r at the beach, boy?" Max snapped. Bear in mind, his snappish talk was more from fear than anything... poor, sweet Max.

"Uhhh-hhh..." stammered Adam. Unable to talk to a bunny, he called out to Goyle, whose dad is a "pap" in Miami, famous for capturing the unfortunate celebrity in stained sweatpants at the supermarket. "Hey Goyle! Call your Dad, and make sure they have video too! I think the rabbit just talked to me and I want proof of it," Adam said. To himself he thought, "just wait until the networks start calling... I'll have my own show -- it'll rival that croc guy."

Max's whiskers picked up something very bad about this kid... he got sudden visions of big cameras, cages, experiments.... He shuddered. His ancestors endured so much in the past -- torture with shampoo bottles.

As the SUVs full of photogs closed in on the beach, Max thought fast. He was so focused that he didn't notice the sunburn in his ears and on his nose. Scrambling up a palm tree, he shook it and showered the nosy men below with coconuts. The nutty missiles knocked on noggins and smacked the cameras from their hands. Max ventured down the tree to retrieve one, and turned on the men with their own weapon. Snapping away, he threatened to file kidnapping charges.

But in a flash, the photogs retreated. Seems that a celebutante got her 4-inch heel stuck in the floating dock and was flailing about, truly trapped. They were in such a hurry to capture that spectacle, they abandoned Max and the camera he confiscated. "Cool," Max thought. "Now I can take pictures of my vacation."

Max and the photo shoot

Before hitting the road for his spring tour, Max sat for a photo shoot. It's a bit awkward for a bunnyman this time of year. When he arrived at the studio for the shoot, the photographer kept Max waiting while the scene was prepped. And waiting. He sat so long that his cottontail became squashed and flattened. Finally Max spoke up as he thought fondly about his carrot lunch in the car. "Just as soon as the kids get here, we'll start with the portraits," the photographer responded. "What kids?" said Max, bewildered. "You're the Easter Bunny," came the answer, "aren't you here for the Easter portraits? It might be awhile. You can remove your head until they come, so you won't get so hot."

Max's whiskers prickled. This was funny and irritating at the same time. "First of all," said Max "I was sent here to do a photo shoot for my spring tour. Second, I am a bunny but not a Mall Bunny. Third, my head is not supposed to come off. My head's on pretty good, despite the fact that I'm standing here talking to you. How's your head? You are talking to a bunny..."